I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
