All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
