The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
