this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
