Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
