The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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