Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
