At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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