Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
