Little spoons don't ask big questions
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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