At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
