Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
