I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
