I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
