I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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