I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
