God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
