i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My cat gives me a boner
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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