I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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