oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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