So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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