I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
