im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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