I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
