She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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