I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All the doctor said was why
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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