It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
