I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You took a bar mat shot.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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