Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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