My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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