I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
