i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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