I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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