I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
