Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
