I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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