too bad you live with your parents still
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
