No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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