You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
