evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
false alarm, still single
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