1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
