I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
