if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
