Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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