You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
