i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
