dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We need to get me chipped asap
He literally asked permission to hit on me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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