you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
