This is not my ceiling
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
