Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
