We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
