DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
