I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
